Two
women have finally made their mother-daughter relationship official in a
Texas adoption court on Tuesday — at the never-too-late ages of 92 and
76, respectively.
“It’s
something I’ve been thinking about for several years,” mom Muriel
Clayton of Dallas tells Yahoo Parenting about adopting Mary Smith, who
is actually her first cousin. “And I said, ‘I’m 92. If I don’t do it now
I may never do it.’” On Mother’s Day, she told Smith she finally wanted
to make it official.
As she told the Dallas Morning News:
“I’m a jigsaw puzzle person. And it’s so wonderful when you snap that
last piece in place and have a beautiful picture. This is the last piece
of my puzzle.”
Their
story here began over six decades ago, when Smith was 11. That’s when
Smith’s father (Clayton’s uncle) died suddenly of a heart attack.
Because Smith’s mom had been in and out of treatment for mental illness,
she went to live temporarily with Clayton — who was already raising
four younger daughters, ranging in age from a few months to 7 years old.
She didn’t stay long at first, but by the age of 14 she moved in
permanently with her cousin’s family.
Clayton,
who stayed at home with the kids while her husband worked as a music
teacher at the University of Texas, says she didn’t hesitate to welcome
her. “I loved my uncle,” she explains. “And it was just, you know,
family.”
Photo: Dallas Morning News/YouTube
As
far as her daughters adjusting to having a new big sister around, she
recalls, “They were all very close already, so there wasn’t anything to
adjust to. The little ones didn’t even know Mary wasn’t their normal
sister until they grew up.”
The
mom of five wound up going to work in a doctor’s office when her
youngest girl turned 6 — a job she held for more than 20 years — and
today she’s a sharp-minded, computer-savvy bridge player and
theatergoer. Smith, married to her college sweetheart, is still working,
and lives near Clayton along with two of the other daughters.
The
adoption was a long time coming, Clayton, now twice widowed, says,
because Smith’s mother lived for a long time and she didn’t want to hurt
her. “I would never have asked her to give up her child,” she says,
adding that decision to finally make the adoption official was an
emotional, not financial one. “She’s been in my will for years. This was
just making it legal.”
The
prevalence of adult adoptions is not known, as these are the types of
adoptions that aren’t tracked, explains April Dinwoodie, executive
director of the Donaldson Adoption Institute,
a national research and policy organization. “But this informal type of
‘kinship adoption’ may happen more often than we think,” she tells
Yahoo Parenting. “I love it when I hear about these later-in-life
adoptions, because they are a symbol of the real value we place in our
society on parentage, and on legalized parentage. It’s important for
people to formalize their role of a parent — even when those people
happen to be in their 70s and 90s.”
After
the ceremony, Clayton says she was “thrilled,” as were her two
daughters there for support, as “they all think of her as their sister
anyway.” Then the four women, along with Smith’s husband Bob, went out
for a celebratory lunch.
Judge
Kim Cooks presided over the adoption in a Dallas courtroom, presenting
each woman with a white orchid — rather than the traditional teddy bear
given to adopted children — once it was complete. “She wanted to make it
official before she leaves this earth,” Cooks, who has officiated at
adoptions for a dozen years but never one quite so unique, tells Yahoo
Parenting. “And I’m so glad she did.”
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