The Wisdom Mind of Love

I once took over a single-handed medical practice in Sydney for a few weeks, and there I met a remarkable young woman. This was in the 1970’s and I was fairly young too. Kelly breezed into

the office, apparently healthy but anxious because she had been bursting uncontrollably into tears for several days. She worried that she was going crazy.

When asked, she could think of no particular problems affecting her mood. Her childhoodhad been happy. She was part of a loving and supportive family. Her parents, brothers and sister were all living and well. She had a rewarding job and was earning sufficient money. She also had a loving boyfriend, Brett. She had many friends, an active social and sporting life, so she could think of nothing to upset her normal joyful equanimity.

Perplexed, we sat together for some time, facing each other in that small, wood-panelled, sunlit room. Alert to clues, I began to take notice of Kelly’s movements. She had crossed her arms and was rhythmically stroking her right elbow with her left hand, as if cradling a child. I asked her to think again about the possibility that she was suffering from some kind of loss. ‘It’s nothing’, she began after a pause. ‘I don’t think so anyway.’ Another pause… ‘But when I was pregnant a few months back and, Brett and I didn’t think the time was right, so I went for a termination’.

I asked when the baby would have been born. Kelly seemed surprised when she realized. ‘About now, actually’, she said. She was still stroking her arm, but oblivious of this gentle motherly motion until I pointed it out. ‘Oh, yes!’ She then reacted. ‘Deep down, now I think about it, I really wanted that baby.’ Kelly was still unhappy, but pleased at least to have found a reason for her tears.

It sounds strange, but our minds often know more than we do. There is a distinction between our everyday mind and what we could call our wisdom mind that keeps us somehow tuned in to the bigger picture of our lives, to the greater whole of humanity and the universe too. Our wisdom minds know that ultimately we are seamlessly and lovingly connected to everyone and everything else. In this instance, Kelly’s wisdom mind started her grieving for the lostpregnancy before her everyday mind realized what was happening. That’s why it is usually a good idea to stop regularly for a period of reflection, for a moment, an hour, a day, a week or longer occasionally, to spend time in contemplation, to allow the wisdom mind and the everyday mind to catch up with each other.

When we don’t take the time to reconcile our everyday mind with our wisdom mind, strong emotions – anxiety, anger, doubt, shame, sadness, hate and greed among them – tend to build up and make things go further awry in our everyday lives and relationships. Because it may mean facing unpleasant emotions, we may be averse to this; and it tends to get worse, as the bad feelings build up, the longer we delay. However difficult this seems, however, we can be confident that the wisdom mind knows best. It has our ultimate welfare at heart. It is, we could say, the wisdom mind of love.

Kelly did a sensible thing. She came and asked for help and advice. Luckily for her, my wisdom mind, my intuition, was switched on too as I made the connection between the cradling motion and the loss of a viable pregnancy that was causing her tears. Kelly confirmed that  this was helpful when she returned to the clinic about a week later. ‘I had to see you again to say thank-you’, she said, rushing in to sit down. ‘I’ve been feeling so much better. Also, Brett and I have been talking. It turns out that he was feeling bad about the abortion too so we’ve decided to go ahead and start a family. We think we can afford it and our parents are going to help out. We weren’t sure before, but now it’s what we both really want’. ‘And’, she added, ‘This has brought us closer together, so we’ve decided to get married.’

Kelly had to face the reality of her loss and sadness to be able to grow through the experience and put things right, not only for herself, but for Brett too, for their families, and for the future children they were going to have and raise together. This was a short consultation, but one of the best I remember.

Copyright Larry Culliford